A recent retiree was given a set of golf clubs as a parting gift by his former co-workers.
He had never golfed before.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons and explained to him that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing and then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, once he was able to speak again.
"Oh great!" the beginner replied, "and you tell me NOW!!!!"
The pro fainted.
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Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer's office one Monday morning.
"I want you to begin divorce proceedings," she announced.
The lawyer was aghast.
When he regained his composure, he said, "Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years.
What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?"
Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye.
She cleared her throat and said, "We wanted to wait until all the children were dead."
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Shizo Kanakuri has been celebrated as "Father of marathon" in Japan.
He is best known for disappearing during the marathon race in the 1912 Summer Olympics.
He lost his consciousness during the race due to the heat and was cared for by a farming family.
He returned to Japan without notifying race officials.
Swedish authorities considered him missing for 50 years before discovering that he was living in Japan and had competed in intervening Olympic marathons.
In 1966 he was contacted by Swedish Television and offered to complete his run.
He accepted and completed the Marathon in 54 years, 8 months, 6 days, 8 hours, 32 minutes and 20.3 seconds.
Surely a record that will last forever!
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