Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural wholesome things that money can buy."
Steve Martin: "You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."
Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield: "My wife said she'd like to have sex in the back seat of the car... and she wanted me to drive."
George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Harvey Korman: "Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."
Garry Shandling: I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
Bill Watterson , Calvin in "Calvin and Hobbes": Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
George Burns: I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Jimmy Demaret: Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
Alfred Kinsey: The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform.
Dick Brandon: Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
Tom Clancy: What do I know about sex? I'm a married man.
Murphy Brown, on "The Sex Thing": It's not that I don't enjoy it, but it's kind of like a trip to Disneyland. You get so excited about a ride on the Matterhorn, and then when it's over, you realize you wasted all that time in line for a minute and a half upside down and the chance to throw up.
Martin Cruz Smith: I'm against group sex because I wouldn't know where to put my elbows.
Bill Maher: The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.
Woody Allen: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen: Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen: Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
Victor Lownes: A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are.
Swami X: Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. 'Yes' is the answer.
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
- Anonymous (but we like to think it was Joe Torre)