When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
- Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
- Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
- James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
- Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
- Anonymous
You know what I did before I got married? Anything I wanted to.
- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
- Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- Anonymous
