Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1, repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line, so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, a voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn`t matter which number you press. No one will answer anyway.