Thursday, August 26, 2004

Fundas of making your self a good S/W Engineer

1. Never ever write a line of code that someone else can understand.

2. Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long names.

Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something like:

AlphaNodeSemaphore= *(int)&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));

3. Type fast think slow.

4. Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in macros.Bury the macros in include files. References those include files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those include files.

5. Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your code. If they understand it they don't need you.

6. Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.

7. Never discuss things in concrete terms. Always speak in abstract. If they can understand you they don't need you.

8. Never complete a project on time. If you do they will think it was easy and anyone can do it and they don't need you.

9. When someone stops by your desk to ask a question, talk forever but don't answer the question. If they get their questions answered they don't need you.

10. Never clean your office. Absolutely never throw away an old listing.

11. Never say hello to anyone in hallway. Absolutely never address anyone by name. If you must address someone by name, mumble or use the wrong name. Always maintain the mystique of bring spaced out from concentrating on complex logic.

12. When you are having lunch at the office, canteen, neverfully concentrate on your lunch. Try to get absent minded suddenly in the middle of the lunch and say to your colleague something like: "But I don't think that data page was actually locked by another RX call, rather I see the possibility of a wrong access mode." Other wise they will think you are not serious about your job and then they won't need you.

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