EACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead - Go Slow."
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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "H I J K L M N O!!"
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
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TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen...Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right..."I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER:"Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
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TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
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SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card
