Friday, March 12, 2004

Comprehending Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take 1

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes wouldn't have fit anyway."

Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't catch anyway.

Comprehending Engineers - Take 2

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk abt but calculations and calculations...

Comprehending Engineers - Take 3

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed,"What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire! last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.

Comprehending Engineers - Take 4

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and CivilEngineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to compliment one another.

Comprehending Engineers - Take 5

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said,"It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!

Comprehending Engineers - Take 6

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.

Comprehending Engineers - Take 7

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress,they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!

Comprehending Engineers - Take 8

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "! Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that's cool!

Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!

Now we know why so many engineers are single ! ;-)